I wanna be like Mike

All right, YAY! I'm gonna eat your fucking kids for lunch!
To: The Gov.
From: Your goddamn daddy
Date: 9 and a half years
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

All right. I feel like dog patch today. How are you? Really? Awesome. I'm still thinking about what it would be like to shoot a 78-year-old man. In the FACE. Dick, how do you sleep at night? Fat fuck.

This morning before I headed on my 30-minute commute, I took the time to read a Mike Masterson (columnist for the Arkansas-Democrat Gazette) piece. I, honestly, wrote better columns as a freshman in high school. MSB00 and Girl Arkansas talk often about how simple his columns are, MSB00 even gave a do-it-yourself format for writing a Masterson column. He uses bullshit phrases like, "That, my friends, is true." First of all, you pudgy bitch, I'm not your fucking friend.

He's one of those fuckers that assumes everyone that's reading his column is a God-fearing American, succumbing to the pressures of living under a dictator and taking it in stride. Fuck him. Today, he talked about Gov. Mike Huckabee and his "official business" expenditures.

For those of you that don't live in Arkansas, we have a goddamn ass pirate for governor. Since he was first elected governor, he's taken nearly 750 trips in the state-funded airplane. The bullshit a bout it is that, by state law, he doesn't have to say where he's going or what he's doing, all he has to state is "official business." Even though, everyone in the state knows he's promoting his nasty fuckin' ass for president. Or promoting his book. Or giving a speech on health.

Am I the only one that thinks he looks like an alien that should've been in Men In Black? He looks so fucking unhealthy. And it pisses me off even more that he spends my goddamn tax dollars to take trips to Washington to rub elbows with George Bush and give $5 blow jobs to the Republican National Convention chairman.

Doesn't Huckabee remind you of one of those gay guys that likes to lay in a tub while other guys pee and shit on him? Me too.