Proud to be an Amurrican

To: You
From: Guess
Date: Duh
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

"I'm committed to strengthening our relationship with the UAE [United Arab Emirates] and explaining why it's important to Congress and the American people." --George Bush

Thanks, George. 'Preciate it. I'm so glad you are taking your sweet ass time to explain why things are important to me, a member of the American people. I'm eternally grateful for your dumbing down to explain things to Congress and me. Without you, I'd be lost.

He reminds me of a third grade teacher trying to explain the difference between apples and oranges.

Bush: "You see, Amurrica, apples are red. Oranges, on the other hand, are orange. See the difference?"

The classroom responds collectively: "Yes, Mister Bush."

Bush: "Good, now go do something good for your country. You kids know that towel-head in Ms. Hoover's class? Kick his ass at recess, OK?"

Classroom: "Yes, Mister Bush."

• • •

In other news, MC Hammer announced today that he is gay.

• • •

Have any of you gotten a chance to watch Walk the Line yet? I thought it was a pretty good movie. I think I went into it, though, expecting way too much. I wasn't let down, but I guess my expecations were brought back down to earth. All I could think about the whole movie was how sexy Reese Witherspoon sounds with a twangy voice. Talk to daddy, Reese. Talk to daddy.