Gold Acid

Your piss is not supposed to look like this.
Sorry for the inconsistency guys. Been looking for a job. I found one, nevertheless, and I was offered the job. I accepted. Where am I going with this? I met a brick wall with metal spikes layering the wall. Immediately after I was offered the job, I was required to go take a drug test. Yeah, "Oh, shit!" is right. It wasn't one of those cheap-ass drug tests I always took at Juvey. No, these Nazis send your urine off to a laboratory, and you have to wait at least three days to know your results.

I swear to god it sounded like my piss was fizzing when I gave the sample to the woman. It looked like a half-empy (not half-full) cup filled with gold acid or flat light beer. I'm surprised the shit didn't eat through the cup.

I should've known better, I know. I just didn't think I'd have to take a drug test after my first interview. They usually give a drug screening after the second interview.

Now, I know that no hard drugs—meth, coke, ecstasy, etc.—are gonna show up. I stil may have a chance at getting the job, but I'm nervous as shit. I've taken so many drug tests to date that I know certain procedures that will increase your chances of passing—at least, they worked for me.

First, don't EVER use those goddamn cleansing liquids you can buy at head shops. They cost too much and they don't do anything that drinking tons of water can't do. Some of them can even be picked up by lab tests and, therefore, fail you anyway.

The main thing to remember is drink as much water as possible from the time you know you'll have to test until you finally do. You want to get it to where the water goes almost straight through you—like, after you drink a bottle of water, you pee in 15 minutes. What happens (I suppose) is the water doesn't stay in your system long enough to pick up the toxic agents that are in your fat cells. Your results will usually come out diluted enough to where, even if it is in your system, the agents will be insufficient enough to fail you.

Wow, I know way too much about this shit.