Good mornin' (2:47 p.m.)

Sorry, guys. I was sick a couple days last week and out of the office. I have a computer and Internet service at home now, but I can't find it in me to write for my blog when an abundant source of midget porn is waiting to be tapped. (No, I don't really look at porn. Well...no.)

I'm thinking about submitting myself to drug rehab. Seriously. (I'm sure you all saw this coming.) I can't take it anymore. After approximately 9:30 p.m. last night, I lost it. Thursday? I fuckin' have to wait 'til Thursday to see third-round games. Are you F*CKING KIDDING? I'm forced to watch ESPN Classic games until THURSDAY. What the fuck am I going to do with myself?

I call my friends. They're no support. My team, the Arkansas Razorbacks (of course), lost. My bracket is shot to hell. I might as well have taken $30, or just six five-dollar bills, and pissed all over them, flushed them down the toilet, seen that they're stuck, then slipped on my fluorescent yellow, arm-length rubber gloves and ripped them to shreds in pissy toilet water. At least I would've be having withdrawals right now, rather I'd be carrying a bottle of hand sanitizer.

Anyone feel my pain? I mean ... it's re-damn-diculous.

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On another note, George Bush, today, announced that he is now a member of the Church of Scientology.

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I hate Mormons. Yeah, I do. Like, really bad. Prejudiced? I know. Fuck off. I hate 'em. What'd they do to me? They took wearing ties with short-sleeve, oxford button-up shirts out of style is what the fuck they did. Bitches.