Mr. Preacher Man

"You, son, are going to hell," he said to the guy wearing a Pi Kappa Alpha shirt. "Fraternity brothers are drunkards who abuse women and look at pornography."

(I'm not making this shit up.)

The preacher man, probably in his mid-20s, is dressed in his Sunday best (on a Wednesday), wearing a maroon Oxford dress shirt, fashionable tie, and weathered black shoes. As one would suspect, he's fair-skinned, despite a reddened face, with blond hair and, presumably, blue eyes—he was standing a good 20 feet away from me.

"You have yet to see happiness until you have invited Jesus into your life," he shouts. "Jesus is alive. He is standing next to you as we speak."

Really? No shit? Jesus! You sneaky bastard, come over here and show yourself. ... Hello? Somebody say something. Anybody?

This preacher man has this aura about him—it reaks of accomplishment (futility) and self-worth (hubris) and, even, intellect (ignorance). He is one that will never question why.

Reminds me of a song: Judith, by A Perfect Circle:

"you're such an inspiration for ways that i will never ever choose to be.
oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you.
Thank(fuck) your god, your lord, your christ,
he did this, took all you had and left you this way.
still you pray, never stray, never taste of the fruit. never thought to question why.
it's not like you killed someone.
it's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side.
praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed.
he did it all for you.
oh so many ways for me to show you how your dogma has abandoned you.
pray to your christ, to your god.
never taste of the fruit,
never stray, never break,
never choke on a lie,
even though he's the one who did this to you
thought to question why
it's not like you killed someone.
it's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side.
talk to jesus christ as if he knows the reasons why he
did this all to you.
he did it all for you."


Charlie said...

We had a guy like that in Fayettenam — called himself "Moses." He'd stand at busy intersections on campus with a bullhorn and yell crude statements to students that happened to be walking by...

"You sir... are you in a fraternity? You are... do you masterbate?! Really... you are going to hell!"

It was quite the spectacle. Of course, crowds would gather around him and listen to Moses "preach," although it was more like uncontrollable yelling (probably possesed).

Later, the school paper found out that he had done this before at Oklahoma State. Moses' plan was to enrage some meathead frat guy into beating the shit out of him and sue the university.

Well, it never happened. In fact, most poeple were genuinly interested in discussing religious topics and typically proved him wrong (according to Scripture). Those greeks may be spoiled, dillusional assholes... but they know their Word of God!

For four years he was on campus, here and there, screaming about the Apocalypse and denouncing greeks for sodomizing each other and getting loaded all the time... I know, what's the big deal? Last time I heard, he gave up and went on to bigger and better places... like Norman.

lucylu said...

shit im dead. No one told me I'd go to hell for wanking. oopps