3.22.2006

Ten-fucking-dollar sandwich



I just ate a ten-dollar sandwich. Excuse me while I kick myself in the balls.

... (waiting) ...

Ah, fuck it. I'll do it later. But it looked soooo good on television. "Try Quizno's new Prime Rib sub, blobbity fucking blah." If you've seen the commercial, you know you want to try it. Don't lie. Liars go to hell. Muahahaha.

The thing is, it wasn't that bad. The fuckin problem? you may ask. It wasn't that good. Not ten-dollar good. Look, if I'm gonna spend ten goddamn Georges on a sandwich. It better be the best sandwich I've ever tasted, or do some really awesome trick. All I could think about while I was eating it was how I spent ten bucks on this shit—that's not what it should've been like.

I should've said: "Wow, this is a hella good sandwich. I'm hella gonna tell my friends about it, 'cause it's hella good." And you'd say, "Spencer, why are you saying 'hella'? It sounds super gay." And I'd say, "Cause I'm hella cool. Bitch."

• • •

It starts tomorrow. My baby (her name's Madness—March Madness that is) is back. Awwww, I missed her so much. So much. I was chatting with a new e-mail friend (whose 'hella' cool), and we were talking about how numerous friends scoff at the thought that we like sports. It makes me wonder. Is there a certain IQ where interest in competitive sports in at its nadir, as well as a certain (lower) IQ where the interest is more than an interest? More than an interest, an obsession?

I know people (like you, Lindsay) that hate sports. But it's hella cool as long as you (not your, Lindsay) don't look down on me for liking sports. Explain to me how its stupid to be able to let yourself go for a minute and not be so serious all the fucking time and get fucking plastered and watch sports. Even if you do provide a decent explanation, I'll still be a hella big sports fan. 'Cause it's hella cool.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

I look down on the assholes in East Lansing (MSU territory) that riot after the games. And what's with the hella!