It's my birthday, bitches

(Photo caption: This isn't me, but I did a Google Images search for birthday and found this. Harharhar.)

To: Everybody
From: Birthday boy
Date: Shut up
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

No questions about whether or not I’ve gotten spanked, yet, because believe me, it will happen later tonight. Harharhar.

I have to work all day today, then tonight. I think I’m gonna drink after I get off, though.

I’ll post later. Until then, have a nice fucking day.

— Spence