MTV Sucks (thanks, Charlie)

To: Bob
From: Joe Bob
Date: Whuh?
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

Thanks to my office cohort Charlie, I have a topic for today's blog. MTV ... What a shit pile. Reflect on that for a minute.

MTV: Music Television. As in, television to show music videos, promote new bands and so forth. The only fucking time I get to see any videos I would ever care about is from about 2 a.m. until 8 a.m. Basically, to watch decent music videos on Music Television, you have to be: a.) working odd shifts that leaves you awake during the wee-hours of the morning; or b.) coming off a crystal meth binge and watching the videos because it's adding excitement to the hallucinations you're already having from sleep deprivation.

Over the Christmas weekend, when the South Park Christmas marathon wasn't on, I looked for decent things to watch. I thought to myself: Hey, MTV might have something interesting, I think I'll check them out. (And no, I don't talk to myself.) So I flip it to channel 76 only to find those goddamn ass pirates from Laguna Beach plastered on the fucking screen.

(Is that not the worst fucking excuse for a show you've ever seen? Shallow, pretentious and deplorable are the words that come to mind when I try to explain that show/atrocity. What is up with America's fascination with people who have it better than us and all their petty problems? Who gives a shit? I'd love the chance to slap the fuck out of each and every one of those cast members.)

MTV has only two shows that I can think of that actually broadcast videos: Total Request Live and Direct Effect. TRL is a goddamn joke. The videos are voted on the shows by adolescent, pimple-faced, wine-cooler sipping numskulls. Therefore, the only bands that even make an appearance on TRL are shitty, label- and money-driven pop bands. At least only about a minute and a half of each video is shown. That, perhaps, is the only upside of the whole fucking show.

Direct Effect, on the other hand, really isn't that bad — that is only if you like rap. I can appreciate rap, contrary to many of my friends. I hate "ice" rap. But I like lyricists and good freestylers. The main problem with Direct Effect is that the videos it shows are voted into the show, rather than picked. Therefore, you see the same goddamn videos for days — or even weeks — in a row. The positives for the show include the fact that they introduce new artists often, have numerous guests and show the entire videos.

Occasionally, MTV will find a decent band and introduce them to their narrow audience. However, they almost always exploit the hell out of that band until they get on your nerves. For example, MTV people love The Killers. I like The Killers. But goddamn, I want to hate them just because so many other people like them... as weird as that sounds. I'm just one of those people that, well, here's an explanation: If I go see a movie and I love it, I'll start to hate it if everyone in the fucking world loves it, too.

Perhaps the most respectable aspect of MTV's broadcasting is MTVNews. It is pretty informative, most of the time. But, MTV, take note — Gideon Yago is a no-talent, uncharismatic ass pirate. He has the personality of a pine cone and the likability of a opossum. The best journalist they have is Kurt Loder; though, he hardly makes an appearance. He's a dick, but he's smart and he doesn't let artists get away with anything.

Anyway ... That's it, though. That's bull shit. Music fucking Television has two shows where they show music videos. MTV2 is what MTV used to be. Entertaining sometimes. Fucking stupid sometimes. However, you can always count on seeing the newest bands, some underground bands and plenty of music.

MTV2 should replace the current MTV, and it's acronym shold be changed to MTV-POP/REALITY BULLSHIT SHOWS.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

The only thing that kinda sorta pisses me off about MTV (aside from... yeah, almost a complete lack of music oriented television) is when the videos ARE on but the same ones get played over and over again (ie Nickelback, Nelly, Mariah Carey, Kelly Clar..whatever) so you flip to VH1 to see something different and they're playing the exact same shit you just tried to escape from. I mean, MOTHERFUCK?! I'll calm down now...outburst, over.