Date: Down Yonder
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]
I don't know if it was what I drank last night — a couple liquid cocaines and some beer, but I feel fucking weird today. While on my way home at 7:00 this morning, I caught the sunrise over the river as I crossed Broadway bridge. We had some pretty bad storms last night and the clouds were leaving just in time for dawn. I actually caught myself thinking, "Wow, this is beautiful. I wish I had a camera."
Ya know what I've come to realize, though? (Caution: I'm getting off the subject.) Most of the time we end up saying, "Damn, I wish I had a camera," it's usually best that we didn't — for myriad reasons. I say during different occasions. The situation may be similar to this morning, where I see something beautiful that I want to show everyone. Then, of course, I may have slept with a beautiful girl and need a picture to prove to my friends. (Then, of course, that proves that I'm a pig.)
But cameras can't always say what we were feeling. Oftentimes, they can, but not always. Plus, not having a camera gives way to great storytelling and bullshitting — an area in which I excel tremendously.
OK, so anyway. Yeah, I feel fucking weird today. I almost feel ... I guess, high. I can't help but smile — and it's kinda freakin' me out. So bear with me.
I think I'm happy because one of the girls I work with is leaving. To give you a little insight as to what I think of this girl, I'll re-enact a conversation I had with my new editor.
Ass Pirate Editor: "So, what exactly is it that everybody, and especially you, Spencer, doesn't like about [Freaky Bitch Murder]?"
Me: "Well, [Ass Pirate Editor], it's hard to say I dislike her as a person because, as you know, she's extremely nice. But, it's what I dislike about her... Let me put it this way: She is everything that's wrong with our society — all balled up into one shitball of a person."
Ass Pirate Editor: "Oh. I didn't know you felt that strongly about her."
She's a small-town girl. She's psycho-religious. She, honest to god, wants 10 — ten — fucking kids. Pro-life. Close-minded. Shallow. You name it.
So yeah, I guess it's nice to get her out of the office. Good riddance.