To: Momma
From: Daddy
Date: Down Yonder
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

I don't know if it was what I drank last night — a couple liquid cocaines and some beer, but I feel fucking weird today. While on my way home at 7:00 this morning, I caught the sunrise over the river as I crossed Broadway bridge. We had some pretty bad storms last night and the clouds were leaving just in time for dawn. I actually caught myself thinking, "Wow, this is beautiful. I wish I had a camera."

Ya know what I've come to realize, though? (Caution: I'm getting off the subject.) Most of the time we end up saying, "Damn, I wish I had a camera," it's usually best that we didn't — for myriad reasons. I say during different occasions. The situation may be similar to this morning, where I see something beautiful that I want to show everyone. Then, of course, I may have slept with a beautiful girl and need a picture to prove to my friends. (Then, of course, that proves that I'm a pig.)

But cameras can't always say what we were feeling. Oftentimes, they can, but not always. Plus, not having a camera gives way to great storytelling and bullshitting — an area in which I excel tremendously.

OK, so anyway. Yeah, I feel fucking weird today. I almost feel ... I guess, high. I can't help but smile — and it's kinda freakin' me out. So bear with me.

I think I'm happy because one of the girls I work with is leaving. To give you a little insight as to what I think of this girl, I'll re-enact a conversation I had with my new editor.

Ass Pirate Editor: "So, what exactly is it that everybody, and especially you, Spencer, doesn't like about [Freaky Bitch Murder]?"

Me: "Well, [Ass Pirate Editor], it's hard to say I dislike her as a person because, as you know, she's extremely nice. But, it's what I dislike about her... Let me put it this way: She is everything that's wrong with our society — all balled up into one shitball of a person."

Ass Pirate Editor: "Oh. I didn't know you felt that strongly about her."

She's a small-town girl. She's psycho-religious. She, honest to god, wants 10 — ten — fucking kids. Pro-life. Close-minded. Shallow. You name it.

So yeah, I guess it's nice to get her out of the office. Good riddance.



Marla said...

Liquid Cocaines are evil. EVIL, I tell you! They call them that FOR A REASON! I don't drink those. Anymore.

Ugh. I don't understand people that say that "I want 10 kids" bullshit. They often try to say that it's because they LOOOOVE kids, but how much can you love 10 of them versus 1 or 2? Just my opinion.

Anyway, just because someone is a nice person doesn't mean you have to get along with them. Nice people are often TOO nice. TOO nice can be TOO much of a good thing. LOL!

Di-Spencer said...

People that nice scare me.

Monstro said...

I want 10 clones, does that count?

I think people take pictures because they don't really know what else to do. They see something important like a monument or a sunrise or something like that, and they know that they should be moved or something, but they're generally too busy to figure out what to do in those situations, or even to be alone with their own contemplations for five minutes. Snapping a picture let's them off the hook.