Look at him. Don't glare, though. He WILL kick your ass.
To: Wrestling fans
From: Tiny Tim
Date: All eternity
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]
It’s confession time, folks. I hope some of you out there can empathize with me. I have this undeniable obsession with midgets. I love ‘em. They’re so awesome. They always have that cool, I’ll-kick-you-in-the-nuts mentality. Hell yes. I love kicking people in the nuts.
I don’t like the Vern Troyer midgets. Too small. Look like aliens. No I like the ones like Wee Man from Jackass. I just wanna pick him up and carry him on my back, take him to Disney World and kick anyone’s ass that tries to deny him a seat on a ride that has height restrictions.
Then, I’d sponsor him on the midget wrestling circus. I’d call him Li’l John and make him grow braids and wear a platinum grill. Sweet!
Anyone else with me?