Armageddon ... and Chas (chaz)

To: You
From: Guess
Date: Duh
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

Damn, I feel a lot better today. I think the only thing that could make me sick right now would be eating — rather, even looking — at a bowl of Ramen noodles right now. Am I the only one that thinks, Damn, I'd love some Ramen noodles right now, only to be let down by their unmistakably bland taste? They're okaaaaay if you put a little Cavender's Greek seasoning in them, but other than that, ewww!

Well, I hope everyone's preparing for the end of the world in Arkansas — or just three inches of snow. That shit drives me nucking futs. My brother worked at the Wal-Mart grocery store in Sherwood last year, and he said in a 24-hour span (before a winter storm hit), that grocery store sold over $100,000 worth of groceries. Yeah, Goddamn! is right. Think about it. Worst case scenario: You'll be stuck at home for a day, tops. Eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; it won't fucking kill you. If you get bored, just call me. I'll bring my Jeep to your house, tie up an inner tube to the back of it and get drunk and go for joy rides. Sound fun? Good. 'Cause it is.

I think that's another reason anybody north of the Mason-Dixon line would think we're fucking crazy, redneck, hillbilly jackfucks. As soon as the weatherman predicts sleet, freezing rain or snow flurries, people prepare for fucking armageddon.

Why don't they just do what I do? Go to the store, buy some beer, rent a couple movies, go pick up a little bit of weed and some honey buns and Twix candy bars, and take advantage of a day off from work. Right now I'm just listening to some Primus (fucking awesome), thinking about how stupid I'm gonna get later.

So what did everyone think of that Chas guy leaving all those hurtful remarks? Yeah, I hated him, too. But I think to add a little balance to this blog, I need voices like Chas. I like pissing people off — especially right-wing fundamentalists like Chas. Therefore, I've asked Chas to contribute to this blog every once in a while. I'm still waiting on his reply. Feel free to tel lhim how much you hate him or think he's stupid. I told him to be ready for that, just in case. Plus, it's gotta be worth a good laugh to let some jackass like him get his psycho ramblings out of him once in a while.

I hope no one's extremely pissed or anything. I don't think you will be, though. I think you can look at it the same way I can: It's a joke. Take it with a laugh.

Everyone have a good Friday, and weekend. As you should have known by now, I don't have a computer at home, and therefore, I can't write on the weekend unless I go to the library. I think I'm going to the library on Saturday, though, so I might get to post. Anyway, later bitches.

1 comment:

Buuuug said...

Heh, manic-panic shoppers, dontcha just love 'em (in a sarcastic way)? Christmas always gets me like that. Over here the shops are shut for the actual day, for some reason that means the dumb people stock up big time.