Hit Me With It, Blanket. And Put Some Stank On It!

They may have gotten off to a rocky start, but somebody get Jacko one of those #1 Dad hats... 'cause he has definitly earned it!

In an attempt to give Blanket, Paris and Prince Michael II a normal childhood, Michael Jackson has moved them to the Middle East... far away from the American public that has belittled and ridiculed him, and his family, for way too long.

What has the King of Pop done to deserve all of this scrutiny? Showing kids a good time is wrong? Well, then someone pull the plug on Walt Disney's cryogenic chamber!

Let's face it, there's no way Blanket and the kiddies can expect to be accepted by other children in a society that frowns upon the complete masking of one's face. Believe me, I know. My mother made me wear a paper bag until I was 28. "They're all going to laugh at you," she'd scream, chaining me up in the basement.

So he's surrounded them with the only people cool with that, Muslims! Actually quite brilliant. Still, they only cover up their women. Blanket, get ready for some gay Arab jokes down the line.

But that's okay. If I know Blanket like I think I do, hardly, he'll take all those years of harassment and channel it into his art. One day he's going to blow the world away with the Sunwalk. Can you imagine? That's what the Jacksons do — revolutionize dance. The Jackson 5 perfected the line dance, Michael gave us the Moonwalk (which nobody can do, still.. a true testament to its complexity), Janet gave junior high drill-squads that oriental looking move from the "If" video... and Blanket will one day shock us with his installment.

I can't wait. ...Cha'mon!


Anonymous said...

Come on now, Chas..... I know an ex-girlfriend of yours that can do a flippin' sweet moonwalk

Chas said...

Who, Ann Coulter? Yeah, she came pretty close... but close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and hangings.

Your Girl Arkansas said...

Who is Chas? Am I missing a joke?

Chas said...

No joke, Armedia... Spencer asked me to contribute from time to time. Thanks for your comment, though. It was nice... for me to poop on!