2.10.2006

Chas' Manifesto

To: The General Public
From: Chas
Date: Friday, Feb. 10, 2006; 10:05 a.m. CST
Subject: Me, myself and the American way of life...

Hello. My name is Chas. For those who may not be fully aware, Spencer has asked me to contribute to The Memo from time to time. I have accepted his gracious invitation for two reasons: To act as your guide toward the light of reason and as a pedestal for the acquisition of loftier things.

First, I would like to thank Spencer for allowing me this freedom on his public forum. It takes a real man to bring in outside opinions (especially ones differing from his own), and for that I commend him. Please understand that these are my opinions and he shouldn't be held accountable for my views - not matter how obvious they really are.

Next, I would like to bring you up to speed about who I am and what it is that makes me tick. I believe in God, the United States of America and all forms of hunting and fishing. For fun, I like to sit by the fireplace in my exceptionally cozy leather recliner, reading Corey Ford short stories and sipping on a well-aged scotch.

At other times, my friends and I can be found smoking cigars and drinking highballs at our favorite ultra-conservative bar and lounge, The Elephant. You've probably never heard of it. Even if you had, I doubt they'd let you in.

Tweed jackets, the Wall Street Journal and over-and-under shotguns are my passions in life. Without them, I see no reason for getting up in the morning and hopping out of my William Faulkner Collection king size bed... except, of course, for enlightening the world about the importance of conservativism and traditions.

Finally, I encourage anyone viewing my entries who either agrees or disagrees to comment. Open discussion is what makes this country so great. Thank you and may God bless us all.

4 comments:

Joe Fox said...

I'm glad to see you've been able to get your voice heard. More importantly, our voice.
The voice of reason that has been drained from our society by politicians who have sucked the marrow out of the United States.
Godspeed my friend, keep your pride intact and don't ever foget your values.
I think I may buy a boat this year.

Anonymous said...

All rise! The honorable "Chas" presiding. Ahhhh (a sigh of relief), it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this OK2B gay liberal realm we are all being forced to dwell in. What has happened to the God FEARING white male of yesteryear? It seems if a lot of them are tucking tail and sporting a vagina man all the way to San Fransisco! We all need to wake up people! Before you know it there will be haji protests in the streets of DC! Not on my watch! I challenge all of you to go to your nearest muslim and cuss them like the mangy dogs that they are! AHHHHHHHHH!

Buuuug said...

Really? You need a gun in order to get outta bed? You serious? Thats awful, ab cuppa tea, coffee, brekkie i unnerstand...

Chas said...

No, I don't NEED a gun to get out of bed... but it makes the process much easier! What if some terrorist or liberal is lurking in my mansion's west wing, waiting to seize an opportunity at me while I'm naked (I love the feel of Egyptian cotton on my bare body). Oh, who am I kidding? If anyone saw me in the buff, they'd probably kneel in total amazement of my well developed genitals.