Library .... AAAAAAAAAAAH!

To: You
From: Guess
Date: Duh
Subject: [Insert 30 seconds of thinking up a vapid subject line.]

Not to sound like a complete jackass and dork, but I love going to the library. I mean, of course, I love the books, but that's not why I come here. You never know what to expect here. Will I see someone famous looking for a book they've written? Will I stumble upon an old girlfriend or friend from high school?

Essentially, though, I like staring at the transients. I don't know why, it's some weird fascination--similar to the one I have with midgets. I like hearing the stories they have. The other day, I had a guy come up to me and tell me he was starting a Christian-based Internet service and he wanted a $10 donation. And? That was it. What the fuck is a "service"? Anyway, I simply replied, "All my praise goes to Allah. Damn your Christian Internet service!"

I really thought he was gonna slap me. That's the look he gave me. It's OK, though, I sized him up and came to the conclusion that I could have kicked his ass, that's why I said that. But I do; I love transients. I like trying to determine what different substances joined together to create that beautiful malodor. (Hmmm... I'm guessing you spend a lot of time around a paper mill. No? You just shit yourself? Oh, umm... OK. Whatever tickles your pickle, man.)

Also I like talking to some of the people that work here. Some of them are just fucking weird. Not in a bad way, kinda like that cool friend you had that worshipped David Hassellhoff. Cool, but fucking weird. Then there are the people that just take themselves waaaaaaaaaaay too seriously and overcalculate their own intellect. They act like you're fucking retarded because you haven't read some underground author that only five people know about. I'll piss on you and your fucking author ... even if he's a good one.

There's people exactly like that when it comes to music, too. Don't treat me like I'm Hitler because I haven't heard of your favorite underground band. Let me borrow a fucking CD or something. Shit. It's like a club of snobby book-readers and music-listeners that don't want to let anyone else in.

OK, I'm rambling. Back to why I really came to the library. (I gotta get some work done.) Later.